Sydney Mum finding motherhood is totes hectic
So we made a wrong turn, the traffic was bad, I didn’t pack enough snacks or extra undies. They are upset, looking sad or crying. The kids will survive, in fact, it will build resilience in them. Life is disappointing and they have to learn early how to survive this harsh world. All they need is resilience.
Resilience is the preferred parenting word whenever something goes wrong. Fell out of the tree? be resilient. Bloody knees from a scooter fall, be resilient. Shop ran out of kinder eggs? be resilient.
Resilience is the hot button, the short cut to parenting. We use this word to show our kids are not soft, they are tough but in a useful way, because we don’t know the future but we do know resilience is all they need.
Brushing aside all the other skills and traits necessary for well-roundedness, resilience has become the trophy skill of a child and its parent. When the apocalypse happens my child will thrive due to not breaking down or tantruming over the last pink plastic cup of water. More disasters as capitalism breaksdown and the fact they will never afford their own home. My child will either return to nature or develop a whole new set of eco houses for the underclass just because they are resilient. Nothing else, just resilient.
Other skills like persistence, determination, good self esteem, emotional stability and general kindness are unpopular to parents. Resilience is a spectator sport. All parents can stand around watching the resilience of another child as they quietly pick themselves up after a 10 metre fall from a tree only to climb back up. Or be punched in the face by a uncouth child and have the dignity to not punch back but articulate their distress worthy of a diplomat. Other parents can gasp and wonder at the superior parenting skills of the uber resilient child.
My kids cry like Italian soccer players over a gentle scratch. They minutely examine the just poured drinks for any variation in volume. Biscuits have to be exactly the same, not broken. I am failing at resilience. Actually I’m not (parenting is an extreme form of resilience) but my kids are. But then they surprise you. They teach you how they rationalise.
“You get what you get and you don’t get upset”
As each child blindly pulled a present from the lucky dip bag they had different things. Bracelets, yo-yo’s, whistles, all cheap party toys but different. They started chanting this to each other ; You get what you get and you don’t get upset. Learnt at pre-school all the class mates said this to each other as they watched each one get different toys.
My chant to them is this “There’s no blood, go back and play.” Unless I need to call an ambulance go back and play. Here’s a quick hug and a kiss; go back and play. I know someone hit you or said something silly but go back and play. Resilience is about repetition to me. Just go back and play.