Sydney Mum finding motherhood is totes hectic
It’s not so much the loss of time but the time for your own mind that I miss.
Shower time used to be this place but this has gradually stripped away. Going for contemplative walks has disappeared as I constantly monitor the baby and the skylarking dog. I fall asleep after three clicks of the Kindle and Twitter is now a lengthy read for me.
I miss my mind.
I miss my imagination
Late last year I attended a children’s book writing course at NSW Writers Centre. From that weekend course came a writers group. We met once a month and critique each others work. It’s a great experience and I’ve got some great feedback on my current story. This is where I’m stuck. All it needs it that mulling time. The chewing over in your mind for a least 15 – 20 mins which is so hard to find.
All during high school and later I would swim train. Pound up and down, stretching and breathing my way through kilometres of water. It’s where I rehearsed my essays, contemplated characters and teased ideas out of the brain mess.
Yesterday, a15deg overcast winter’s morning I dragged myself, 3 bags of items and bubbsie in the car pod seat to the local pool where they have a creche. For the grand sum of $9 I got pool entry and one hour of child minding. By the time the forms were filled in and child happy with the play group did I find myself on the edge of the pool with 45 mins left on the child minding clock.
Subtracting 15 mins of post swim shower time that left 30 mins to swim. I shocked myself with the speed with which I got into the water. Well, I shocked myself with the lard of a stomach I have acquired firstly, so instead of an indulgent 10 mins of getting into the water, I practically dived in.
It was like removing layers of myself. That first moment underwater was like every wonderful moment I’ve had diving into a pool or ocean on a great sunny day. Any doubts of difficulty were released as my body instinctively freestyled its way down the pool with a power I forgot I had.
Then the glide moment arrived. It’s that bit when you are warmed up, there is room in the lane not to bump or be interrupted and your limbs and breathing are all syncopated rhythm. My mind went blissfully blank.
In a very orderly way the ideas just arrived. They lined up and I attended to them as I rolled and pushed my way through the water.
This is my meditation. I need to be underwater. Free from any sounds except my own banging limbs and windy breathing.
I picked up bubbsie on time, grateful for a chance to find my mind for 30 minutes.